“If every rule you have with a child is nonnegotiable, you’re going to set up a rebellion because you’re raising your child in a prison, not in a home. But if everything in your home is negotiable, every rule is negotiable, well, you’re going to set up a rebellion as well.” -Jill Garner.
Jill Rigby Garner is the founder and chief visionary officer of the nonprofit organization Manners of the Heart, working to reawaken respect in our society for the sake of the next generation. Jill’s parenting books have sold more than 100,000 copies, including the Gold Mom’s Choice Award-winner, Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World. She is currently working on a groundbreaking new book for the parents of tomorrow’s leaders called StrongHeart: Cultivating humility, respect, and resiliency in your child.
During this episode, Jill Garner discusses the complexities and struggles parents face while raising children in today’s world. She shares the reasons why children are more disrespectful than ever before, highlighting the impact of culture, social media, and the decline in expectations for children over the past few generations. She emphasizes that the main culprit lies in the misguided notion of self-esteem, which has been wrongly instilled in parenting approaches. Jill challenges the popular belief that children need self-esteem, pointing to scripture that teaches us to esteem others and God, but not ourselves. She argues that by prioritizing our children’s happiness over holiness and failing to discipline them effectively, we inadvertently contribute to a lack of respect and self-centeredness in their behavior.
They talk about the difference between self-worth and self-esteem, with Jill offering a fresh perspective that defies societal norms. She introduces the concept of the “mirror of self-esteem” and highlights the dangers of children becoming either self-conceited or self-conscious when overly focused on themselves. Jill reminds us that true answers and fulfillment lie not within ourselves but in our faith and relationship with God.
She also outlines the four stages of child development—tots, tykes, tweens, and teens—and reveals the soul questions that children at each stage need answered. By understanding and addressing these fundamental questions, parents can foster respect and build strong foundations for their children’s character development.
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