Sex positive parenting … That phrase may raise eyebrows or wrinkle foreheads. What does it mean, and how will it affect your discussions with children about God-honoring sexuality? Read on for insights about an important topic.
Parents (and kidmin workers): Take a deep breath and lighten up, because we’re talking about sex. It’s going to be okay, I promise!
Our sexuality is ingrained within our very fabric. God created us with sexual drives and desires, and they’re a good thing. So why is the topic of sex so taboo in many Christian families and homes?
If you’re a Millennial, does this scenario sounds familiar? Growing up, your family rarely discussed the topic of sex. In fact, the word was forbidden. You inadvertently had the impression that sex was bad and dirty, and you would be too, if you ever had sex. Words associated with sex were all negative. Don’t. Bad. Sinful. Impure. Inappropriate.
Our parents knew that sex wasn’t a bad thing. (Because we’re all here, right?) But they found it very difficult, almost unnecessary, to paint sex in a positive light. Maybe they were afraid of us knowing too much or engaging in sex too soon. Parents of previous generations could often get away with hiding the topic of sex from children. But that’s just not the case anymore.
Why Sex Positive Parenting Is So Important
Times have certainly changed. That’s due to the sinful nature of humans and the saturation of sex in our culture. As parents, we no longer have the convenience of ignoring the topic of sexuality. If we fail to talk to our kids, someone else certainly will.
I firmly believe that Christian families should use sex positive parenting. But many of us who grew up in Christian homes likely grew up in a sex negative environment. Maybe that wasn’t on purpose, but it’s what inadvertently resulted.
So we need to consider what pattern is healthy and biblical. Have the hush-hush nature and negative connotations about sexuality in the home been beneficial for us in the past? Will it be for our children and our families both now and in the future?
Yes, we need to protect children’s innocence. But we also need to balance our level of honesty and naiveness with what our kids know, hear, and see at younger and younger ages. Even if we don’t talk to them about sex, they’re already thinking about it. And they already know more than we think they know.
Are You Using Sex Positive Parenting?
Here’s a good way to assess what kind of sex environment exists in your home. Simply ask your kids these questions. Then consider their honest responses.
- “Is sex a good thing or a bad thing?”
- “Is it okay for us to talk about sex?”
- “What does God think about sex?”
Their answers might surprise you but will help you understand the type of culture you’re creating. Proper and improper ways of addressing this certainly exist. But the most important thing is that we are addressing it. And the best place to start is with the Bible.
When God created Adam and Eve, He created them naked and unashamed (Genesis 1:25). After the fall, however, nakedness and shame went hand in hand. Because of that, we naturally shy away from open-ended conversation about sex.