256: What Mindsets Breed Discouragement in Motherhood? with Bethany Kimsey

[04:51] Have You Put Filters on How You Show Up As a Mom? 

Bethany shares that there were three mindsets she struggled with in motherhood. The first one was a negative filter. Bethany says that her natural tendency is to look at what did not go well instead of the entire experience. For example, if someone told her that she had a cute dress on, she would think of the one thing going wrong and correct them. She was filtering everything through that one negative. She had to learn how to submit this back to God. The moment these negative thoughts would infringe on what was happening she would say, “God, you are in charge of that.” 

Another mindset that Bethany struggled with was making everything a catastrophe in her mind. She may have been hearing her children screaming in the backyard and she already decided that someone had a broken leg and she would run outside in full force. This thinking was birthed out of a painful year that she went through. Because she and her family experienced a year where it felt like everything was going wrong she’d developed  the mindset that everything was a catastrophe. Once this difficult year was done and she noticed this thinking was lingering, she spent time working on that mindset.

Bethany also saw that she compared herself to other moms and this created a filter that she was never good enough as a mom. She says we  need to be honest about where our eyes are and ask ourselves “Are they on Jesus or are they on everyone around us?” This is often sneaky and we may have to surrender it to God over and over again.

[08:38] Thoughts of Performance & Comparison Originate From The Enemy 

Bethany says that the Lord helped her understand that thoughts of comparison and performance can also originate from the enemy who wants to discourage us and have us compare ourselves. We also live in a culture where everything is built on comparison and performance. We have to understand that every single day we are immersed in it, without even realizing it. Every ad that we see encourages us to live with the mindsets of performance and comparison. We can choose to focus somewhere else, yet it is still all around us and we must fight against that.

Bethany also shares that everybody is measuring you when your kids are little to see if you have good kids. Then when they are teens, people want to see if you have a good product. There is an external pressure and there is an enemy of your soul who would love to hype it up and make you feel even more discouraged. The way she has learned to combat this is by praying on 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 which says. “We have divine power, to demolish strongholds to take these places captive.”

[11:08] Who Sets Your “Pace” for What It Means to Mother Well?

As a mother of eight children, Bethany shares that she always thought that when her children turned 18 then parenting was done. She shares that she thinks parenting over this age is more difficult because there is more on the line and you have to deal with consequences. 

Alicia shares that motherhood is relentless, even though it is a blessing. It is ongoing, does not stop, and is almost like running a marathon. You have to learn how to pace yourself and what you need to do every day to keep yourself strong enough to run this race. We have to keep God’s word and perspective at the forefront of our minds and keep these other mindsets at bay.

Bethany agrees and says if we look at motherhood as a race, we need to watch people who run races. They do not run by themselves, they run with a team. One of the true runners of the team is the pacesetter. They will help the marathon runner keep that pace but they cannot run this pace for all 26 miles. When they get tired, a new pacesetter comes in. 

All this to say, we do better in community when we have a “pacesetter” among us. Many of us have bought the lie that we should not expose why we need a pacesetter and we just need to keep on a front. Bethany shares that there have been many times where she was lagging in motherhood and she wanted to give up. This is when you need community the most because they will run with you and remind you that you can do it, she says. Some of us have been hurt, rejected, or wounded by friends but community is different. Community is a space where other people are committed to holding up truths in our lives in a firm way. Many of us have lost this sense of community. 

Alicia shares that we are often afraid to ask for support because in asking, we feel as if we failed. We have become an “I will fix it myself” society because we have things like Google. We lean less on each other and we often think “Can’t I just figure this out on my own?” If we admit that we need others’ support then there must be something wrong with us. But in reality, the people who are at the highest level in life have people around them who set the pace. People come in different seasons but we need to show up and say “I was made for community” and allow the support. 

We often buy the lie that we “should” already have the answer. There is another lie out there that motherhood should come naturally. When we realize this is not the truth and that we are all learning along the way, community can help us. We can show up while being open and honest with each other about where we are at and this will invite others to support us in different ways.

[20:20] Finding Contentment in Motherhood Seasons Where You’re Not Seeing the Fruit