255: Christ-Centered Women’s Empowerment: Believing He Can, So You Will with Becky Beresford

[05:40] Becky’s Story: Feeling Inadequate and Believing All the Lies

Becky believes that when God gives us a message to deliver, it is because we are experiencing that in our own lives. So for her, she felt this tension in her heart where she was trying to believe that God could do things in her life, but He was more like a backup plan. In 2015, God called her to be a writer. She wrote a proposal for a book that is completely different than the one she published now, and she pitched it for three years. She was rejected throughout those three years and had people telling her how she was not measuring up and how she did not have a big enough platform. She felt like she was a failure and not good enough. 

During all of this, her personal life was also a mess. She and her husband were in a hard season of marriage and they both needed to heal. They did not know if they were going to separate and counted on Jesus to restore the marriage, which He did. Becky was trying her best to fix things and make everything better, but no matter what she did she constantly felt like a failure. 

Becky is a mom of three boys and her oldest son is autistic. She struggled with giving all of the children their deserving attention because she recognized that a parent ultimately has to pay attention to the one who needs the most support. This led her to feel like a failure as a mom. Other things happened in her life that led her to believe she was a failure as a human. 

During this season of life, her husband gave her a sign that said “She believed she could, so she did.” This was a well-intended sign to help empower women to believe in themselves. She put this sign by her desk to encourage herself to not give up on her writing dreams. She says she looked at this sign after her 1000th rejection and felt so inadequate.

[11:30] It’s Not Self-Dependence, It’s God Dependence 

Becky shares that after feeling so inadequate, the Holy Spirit showed her that those feelings were not wrong. He revealed that she may not be enough but she is more than enough in God. This reminded her that she did not have to have it all together or to believe more in herself – she needed to believe more in God. This realization gave her freedom in her heart and a weight lifted off of her shoulders. She no longer had to be a savior in her own story.

She looked at the sign that her husband bought her and grabbed a permanent marker to change it to “She believed He could, so she did” and was reminded that this is not about what she can do, it is about what Christ has done for her. This is not self-dependence, it is God dependence.

Then she connected with other women on Instagram and they felt that same freedom from this changed statement. They were depending on themselves and not God. Becky sat with God and asked Him if this was meant to be a book and he said yes. In the book that she was pitching, God said to take one of the chapters and expand it into a different book. “She Believed HE Could, So She Did” came from Becky’s struggle and Alicia reminds us that we all have flaws, which is why authors write these books. 

[15:00] Learning to Speak THE Truth as We Speak OUR Truth

We often hear how important it is to speak our truth but Becky shares that instead, we need to share our story and speak THE truth. When people say they are going to speak their truth, they are actually saying that they want to share what they have been going through. Sharing our stories helps with our healing journey and helps us to create relationships but sharing our story is not the agent of change. The only agent of change that truly heals and transforms us is the truth. 

When you think about Jesus, He did not say “I am a way of truth and a way to life” He said, “I am THE way, THE truth, THE life”. The only way that we can experience the healing that our hearts need and the satisfaction, fulfillment, and transformation is by speaking the word of God. We need to believe in His promises, not our present circumstances. Speaking the truth about what is happening in our lives makes all the difference. 

Becky shares that our society is very adverse to absolute truths because they can be offensive and divisive. When you look at Jesus’ life, he never shied away from speaking the truth because He knew that would set Him free. Freedom is more important than making sure you are not going to hurt someone else’s feelings. Becky reminds us that we need to press into God’s truth because we are being bombarded by the lies of the enemy. 

Alicia shares that she read something that said one of the biggest offenses in the world is that we are afraid to be unkind to people. Of course, God wants us to be loving and kind but there is this hidden message that says “Accept people as they are, let them have their truth, and let them be who they need to be.” If you do not do this, you risk being unkind. But ultimately, God’s truth still needs to be spoken and we cannot be scared of doing that. 

[20:58] Doing Hard Things (The Easier Way)

One of the chapters in Becky’s book is “You can do hard things the easier way”. This reminds us that we can lean into what God has done for us instead of just believing in ourselves and putting the pressure all on us. God wants to be the savior in our stories and our loved ones’ stories as well. When we look at the “believe in yourself” mantra, it is pointing to us to hustle and work hard. This will eventually lead to burnout no matter how great we feel in the moment. 

The Bible talks about being diligent and that the Lord honors the hard work that we put into things. Becky says that key is that we can do what the Lord has called us to do, but we are dependent on God at the same time. We are dependent on Him for the outcome of our story, our family’s stories, and the work that we are pouring into our job. God is going to be the one who will bring it to fruition. 

When we look at the disciples, some of them were saying they followed Paul, some followed Apollo, and some followed Peter. To this, Paul said, stop believing in people. Humans are naturally drawn to believing in something whether it is ourselves or someone else. God is the one who makes everything grow.

Alicia shares that with the idea of believing in ourselves, there is a worth attached to what we do. If we could be in the middle space of working hard and letting go of the results, this is where freedom comes in. It also allows us to serve without getting disappointed and expectations not met. There is so much that we do that we are not able to control the outcome of the results.

[27:46] Confession, Repentance, and Forgiveness… as Christ-Centered Empowerment

For a long time, Becky was scared of the words “confession, repentance, and forgiveness”, but each of these is a gift from the Lord. If we step into confessing with someone we feel safe with, it brings what we are struggling with into the light, and the enemy who was trying to keep us in shame is immediately silenced. It is also amazing how often we are not alone in what we are going through. 

Becky shares in her book how she was struggling with a sexual sin for a long time. The Holy Spirit told her she needed to confess this to her husband and although she felt nervous, when she told him he said “Me too”. This was a bonding moment that connected them.

Repentance has more to do with our vertical relationship with God and clearing out our hearts. Becky shares that when she had her first son, she needed to have an emergency C-section. After this, her incision got infected and every day they had to clean it and patch it up again to have it heal from the inside out. This is how repentance works, it gets the junk out. It is such a gift because there is no one to shame us or make us feel like we are a failure. Repentance is there so we can experience freedom and the grace of God. When we repent, He steps in and pours His truth, love, and faithfulness into us. Repentance is a return home, Becky says.

Forgiveness is also part of this junk because we cannot let unforgiveness settle in our hearts. Even though what someone has done to us might be wrong and it is okay that we feel this pain, we have to forgive that person even if it is hard. A quote that Becky has in her book by CS Lewis says “We can forgive the inexcusable and others because God has forgiven the inexcusable in us”. Throughout scripture, we see that God is loving, forgiving, and praying for His enemies. He is our model for forgiveness. Forgiveness is first in our heart, our walk with the Lord in our healing, and there also may be reconciliation among the other person who has hurt us. Forgiveness is part of clearing our hearts so we can receive more from the Lord. 

[34:20] Put Jesus Back Into Self Empowerment Messages

If you see these self-empowering messages, Becky is asking all of us to put Jesus back into the equation. If you see “you are enough” adding “in Christ” at the end can make a big difference in how we feel. We can do hard things through Christ who strengthens us and we need to distinguish what is an empowerment message from Jesus and what is one from the world. Real healing is brought upon through the gospel.

[36:03] Alicia’s Reflections: The Other Lies That Becky Confronts In Her Book “She Believed HE Could, So She Did”

Since we cannot cover everything in these episodes, I wanted to share with you the lies that Becky confronts in her book:

Chapter One: Instead of “You are enough” it’s “You are not enough, and that’s the good news”

Chapter Two: Instead of “You can do hard things” it’s “You can do hard things, the easier way”

Chapter Three: Instead of “You be you” it’s “You Be His”

Chapter Four: Instead of “Believe in yourself” it’s “Believe in your God”

Chapter Five: Instead of “Speak your truth” it’s “Share your story but speak the truth”

Chapter Six: Instead of “Follow your heart” it’s “Follow your King”

Chapter Seven: Instead of “The future is female” it’s “The future is found together

I highly encourage you to check out Becky’s book “She Believed HE Could, So She Did” because it is a great place to start if you believe some of these lies in your heart.

Another resource you can use to take the next step in your healing journey is The Christian Mindset Makeover. This is a hybrid course where you work through some on your own and receive 1:1 support from me as well. The point of this course is to help you understand why you keep trying to make yourself enough through accomplishment. You may know who you are in Christ but there might be patterns that are stuck underneath preventing you from living this out. Quite often, there are subconscious patterns that have been formed in our brains from around the ages of 9-13. When these soundtracks play in our minds, we cannot hear the truth from God. 

In this course, I help you figure out these patterns so you can begin to rewrite them and be in alignment with what God says. In The Christian Mindset Makeover, we use brain science with the Bible to rewire those neurological structures. Then when we are triggered by not feeling worthy or confident, we have soundtracks that are in line with what God says about us. I would love to help give you the freedom to be who God wants you to be so make sure to check it out!

RESOURCES:

Stuck in the overwhelm and exhaustion of perfectionism, people pleasing, or trying to prove yourself worthy? This doesn’t have to be your reality! Sign up for the Free Workshop, Break Free From Feeling Never Enough, to find healing from a lifetime of worry, shame + striving.

Connect with author, speaker, and coach Becky Beresford